Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
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Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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^-- SO not true.

Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That'll be ten ponies, guv. You're the epitome of everything that is english. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!

How British are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

^-- what dyou think? this about a West Coast azn girl from cali. maybe it's all the Bridget Jones and Harry Potter fic i've been reading lately.

can you tell that i'm bored and determined to use up all of my break (it's a 4-day weekend. yay!)? so far i've made tons of blog posts over the past two nights, worked on States, done some math, gone to see st. francis' fall production Arsenic and Old Lace, written, crawled through the internet (ok, crawled over the hp fanfic-related internet - fanfic sites/archives, livejournals, quizzes, etc.), and slept.

oof. am sick with stupid virus again, just like sophomore year and last year and intermittent times ever since 10th grade. it makes me want to rip out my throat and nasal tract.

mmph, btw, i changed the colors on my blog. it used to be black background with white text (and the scrollbar on the side was black with a white cursor). slytherin colors :-D . have yet to change the colors of the date-headers and the links.

i just took a look at the other results for the 'which harry potter ship are you' quiz. the abbreviations/words following the dashes are the main fics that i associate with that pairing.

snape/hermione - don't remember the title
harry/ginny - haven't read any
hermione/ron - PTG
draco/ginny - DT, Snake in the Grass
draco/hermione - DT, draco dracaena
snape/ginny - eurgh!
harry/snape - something on PSA.
harry/hermione - DT, Paradise sequence (trouble in paradise, paradise lost)

snape/ginny? EURGH! Ugh. Ugh. doesn't bear thinking about. i've seen fics with every other pairing EXCEPT this one. few pairings that i've read are 'wrong,' but this...this strikes a chord of wrong-ness in me. ick! actually, i haven't read any harry/ginny fics (i don't frequent Sugar Quill), but i know that they exist. well, i haven't read any where the harry/ginny dynamic moves past ginny's unrequited love and longing. and what happened to draco/ron? that pairing is...interesting. so far, i haven't seen any d/r fics that move past draco using ron as a substitute for harry or as an outlet. i don't think i've read any d/r that isn't by abaddon. possibly because my fic bases are FictionAlley, where i read mainly authors that i see references to in other fic. however, that other fic is usually h/d. and then there's Potter Slash Archive (PSA) - the name should tell you that all pairings involve harry or james, which generally means no d/r. and pure magnetism (PM) is a h/d slash site and the Armchair is a h/d slash group and Worlds Colliding is mostly about h/d slash and all of that adds up to very, very little reading of draco/ron fics on my part. Smoke, and Darkness Abides (both by abaddon are v. good, though.

and now for the harry/draco fics: ::grins:: yes, this is a pathetic attempt to get yall to read some of this fic!

Playing the Game, Power of Goodbye*, Unthinkable Thoughts, Love Under Will, Kissing Harry Potter, Monsoon Season, Snitch!, Fairytale of New York, The Losing Side, To Rule In Hell, Control, Resolution**, Malfoy, P.I., Untold Want, Your Morpheus, Haven, Origins, Belong, Extracurricular, Simple, Blue Vase, Strip/TEASE!!, Dragonweed, Nymphaea, Side by Side in Orbit***, Raincoat!Draco, When You Say Nothing at All, Irresistible Poison, the Weather sequence, Remember, Three Weddings and a Funeral

urk. just realized that this is a pathetically disorganized and aesthetically poor attempt at the fic recs page that i'm eventually going to have posted on the stormpages site. whenever that comes up, will have recs organized by pairing, author, and length (multi-chapter fics v. ficlets). question - a lot of these fics are archived on sites, and so in that case instead of linking directly to the first chapter of the fic i link to the page which has links to all of the author's fics. which is better? The advantage of linking directly is that you don't have to search for the link to the fic, which may not be immediately visible, but linking to an index of the author's fics (which is what i did for all the fics on PSA and most of the FictionAlley authors) gives you a listing of the author's other fics and the index usually has summaries for the various writings. maybe i could get around this by linking directly to the first chapter of the fic and posting a little summary of the story on the fic recs, next to the link. leave me a msg via email or AIM as to which is preferable, would ya?

btw, it looks like neither Tangled Webs nor Two Heads Are Better Than One are going to go anywhere - consider them ditched (sorry, star). in the meantime, am working on a response to the Armchair's 'flirtatious food' fic challenge.

*more of abaddon's harry/draco fic can be found here.

**Frances' nc-17 version of Resolution is located here in the Files section.

***Nymphaea is worth reading even if you don't like Dragonweed, and ditto for Side by Side

ok, ok, i admit it, i'm addicted. but these quizzes are soo much fun.

!!!~What Harry Potter Fan Fic Ship Are You?~!!!
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interesting, that. and i thought that my answers, which were honest, were the non h/d answers while i was picking them. but i am an H/D-er. :-P Although Keelywolfe's fic A Lacking of Foresight is a convincing and good H/R. but i think i like it mostly because it brings in elements of conflict between the dynamic duo, and conflict and uncertainty are part of what make h/d such a dynamic, awesome pairing in my mind.

::laffs helplessly:: good grief. The other night I was reading Resolution, a fic by Frances Potter. It's an h/d fic set in the second term of 7th year and a passage struck me while i was reading it. and then i felt like being silly and decided to twist it around :-). so here's Frances' passage, and my flurfy-angst version of it. yes, it's a travesty, i know.

Original - this is harry's journal entry the morning after he and draco have a row.

I had a dream last night, but I don't remember any of it apart from the fact he was in it. I wanted him to be sitting in that chair when I woke up, just as he was six weeks ago. If I'm really honest, I wanted him in bed with me this morning more than anything. When I was lying there on my own, it suddenly occurred to me how lonely I am. Not lonely for friends -- I have friends -- Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, Neville, Dean, Colin ... the list is long. But this is a different loneliness, it's wanting to have someone next to you when you wake up in the morning -- wake up anywhere and any when for that matter -- to have someone who is just THERE. Who doesn't keep asking questions or making demands.


But why would I think he could do that? Be that person? Didn't he say he couldn't give me a lifetime commitment and he could only give me last night? Doesn't he just piss me off all the time?


We have NOTHING in common. I don't even know what his likes and dislikes are, do I? His father is a Death Eater for fuck's sake.


Yet I am saying I want to wake up next to him and I couldn't even cope with what he did yesterday. Why is it I can face down Voldemort without flinching, but I can't deal with Draco wanting to kiss me? Does that make me a complete and utter fool? I'm not surprised he left and I'm pretty sure he won't be coming back this time.


But if he did and he said the same things -- that he could only give me this one time -- would I take it?


At the moment I'd take anything. A day. Just an hour. Even a few minutes.


Anything.

Now, my melodramatic me-centered (ooh, alliteration!) version of it. somewhat edited, due to 5th Amendment rights to avoid incriminating myself. [...] denotes that something's been cut from my original (which none of you are oging to see!).

I had a dream last night, but I don't remember any of it apart from the fact he was in it. I wanted him to be sitting in that chair when I woke up, just as he was six weeks ago. If I'm really honest, I wanted him in bed with me this morning more than anything. When I was lying there on my own, it suddenly occurred to me how lonely I am. Not lonely for friends -- I have friends -- Megs, Lizbeth, Alex, Augustus, my laptop, Brain ... the list isn't too long but I do have them. But this is a different loneliness, it's wanting to have someone next to you when you wake up in the morning -- wake up anywhere and any when for that matter -- to have someone who is just THERE. Who doesn't keep asking questions or making demands.


But why would I think he could do that? Be that person? [...] Don't I know that it wouldn't, it couldn't and shouldn't work out?


We have too much in common. [...]


Yet I am saying I want to wake up next to him and I couldn't even cope with what he did in my nocturnal fantasies. Why is it I can run a 300-person convention without flinching, but I can't deal with wanting to kiss him senseless? Does that make me a complete and utter fool? I'm not surprised he's not even looking and I'm pretty sure he won't start.


But if he did and he said the same things that he did in my dreams - snog me endlessly, divinely -- would I take it?


At the moment I'd take anything. A day. Just an hour. Even a few minutes.


Anything.

yes, i realize that my version is abominably worse than Frances'. The cut sections would help a lot in making it more concrete and simply better overall, but those are, um, eliminated due to my 5th Amendment rights. :-P anyway, that was some badly-written fluff (on my part) to balance out the posts from 2 a.m. this morning.

i wouldn't take anything, though. like i said, i'm possessive and i want it all, or nothing. perhaps a modicum of pride is tied up in that refusal to settle for anything less; perhaps it's fear that if it's not MINE, then it'll up and leave me. however, sometimes i think that i could deal with someone who's only occasionally present - that a carpe diem mentality would be alright. if i knew that he weren't going to be entirely devoted from the outset, then i could deal and enjoy whatever time and attention i get. when you stop having expectations of people, life and relationships are easier. i've learned that this year. it's a hedonistic, present focused mindset that refuses to take life too seriously or to fall too deeply into anything. well, the latter half of that last statement isn't true.

hmm...well, i guess...


your unconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider.

Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.

It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine.

You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you.

With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Curiosity, there is much more to who you are at your core.

and then this... *g*

Are you a Pirate?
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You are Captain Blood! A gallant and gentlemanly pirate your quest is for a higher goal than treaure and victory in battle. You have accomplished much and are destined for much more. Grand work of it, lad.

for a lighter post...

What Kind of Sleepy Are You?
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You are Pretty Sleepy! You have probably stayed up too late a few too many times and have probably been waking up to an annoying alarm clock for several too many years. Poor you.

already knew this, but i'm a highly jealous person. it's hard to keep it from acting out, sometimes. well, not really - the actions would be overall not nice ones, and so it's not too hard to restrain them once i'm aware of them. it's the awareness that's hard. i give myself fiercely and so i expect it in return, i guess.

that's probably one of the reasons why i never had tons of friends. i either give nothing or a rather lot. when it comes to friends, it's like toasting marshmallows over a campfire. It's like either holding the marshmallow far from the flames at the edge of the fire, where you know it won't even tan, or thrusting it into the blue flickers, where it'll swell, crisp, and blacken while continuing to grow monstrously. nothing. everything.

it prolly isn't the best idea to be posting this right now (2:01 a.m. PST) - am exhausted, don't particularly feel like restraining self (except about a few things), and so am blurting out whatever's on my mind without writing it well. ugh. ugh.

i'm going to be 18 in a week. whee. hadn't realized that until today that it was so close. i can vote. i can ... um ... gee. drinking's not till 21, although two of my dearest friends seem to want me to get thoroughly sloshed sometime this year.

tired. very. going to go read. no more fanfic tonight - want a tangible sense of pages in my hand. maybe the Smith book i got last weekend?

i LOVE your scent. if i could ever get it to stick to something (besides you), i'd carry it around with me everywhere, reveling in the sweetness of it.

<Which Slytherin Are YOU?
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You are Draco! Draco Malfoy. You are the embodiment of a good Slytherin in so many ways. And you are a Malfoy. You were a Slytherin before Slytherin was a Slytherin, weren't you? Of course, you do have moments when your aquired Gryffindor-esque traits can make you into an even more compelling, complex character. This is only true if you also happen to be a cold-blooded piece of toast. *Sigh* ("Cold-Blooded-Piece-of-toast" property of Cassandra Claire)

hmm. at one point i fancied Gryffindor, most of the quizzes said that i was a Ravenclaw, and the only House i know i'd never end up in is Hufflepuff. i can be loyal, but i'll ditch it at some point (only after proper agonising, of course.). look at who/what i am now - no longer a) Christian; b) vegetarian; c) good little girl. yes, all you out there who're seething and thinking, 'yeah, i'm one of those you decided to drop as a friend, bitch,' - feel free to flame me. actually, don't. feel free to rant but don't flame me, because that'll stir up old poison in me because if i cut myself away from you - i had good reasons to do so. take my word on that one.

although i will stick to things and people beyond all logic and sense before i finally decide to cut free.

i was going to moan about how i wished i had someone to hold me, but decided not to - takes too much effort to put it all down in words. so instead i rummaged through PSA (potter slash archive) for a while and discovered that i'm not into lemons or pwps, for the most part. lemons particularly. found that Sky Sorceress has some lovely writing, but i was too - for lack of a better word - buzzed at 1:20 a.m. PST to appreciate it. ::sigh:: i'm waiting for the next chapter of PTG to come out.

can't decide whether or not i actually want someone to hold me. not quite dependent enough for it, and i don't have the time to devote to another person (yes, that sounds utterly selfish. but it's true.). at least, not enough to make a proper go at being part of a pairing. what i'd like comes down to possession - i have close friends who are rather tactile and lovely, wonderful folks (ok, friend), but they're not mine. they belong to someone else, or something else, and what i want is for someone to focus on me. although there's no guarantee that if that happened, i wouldn't run off screaming because i despise it when people are clingy. i suppose that - what i want is someone who'll focus on me, be there, that i can fall into them. it sounds egocentric, but mostly because i don't have a need to be present for other people - i either am, or i'm not. there's no burning desire to be available as a therapist; it's one of those things that i know will happen or it won't.*

hmm. seem to be in one of my feels-independent moods, as opposed to sadly-lonely moods. i am Strong! ::background track: R-E-S-P-E-C-T::

*which isn't to say that i dislike listening to my friends or playing angel to them; they're my friends, and what are friends for? it's not an obligation, it's a bond. what i meant is that i won't push myself out there and tack up a 'the psychiatrist is IN' placard above my head. in my egocentric fantasies, i'm comforted, rather than comforting someone else.

an excerpt from IvyBlossom's h/d fic Belong, chapter 8. it's nc-17 slash (male/male relationship) so if either nc-17 or slash squick you, don't read the rest of this post. i happened to find this section beautiful, esp. the first paragraph where someone so controlled as draco can't concentrate, can't focus. i've taken out sections, which are denoted by '...' .

Harry came in waves, hot and sweet, crying out as he always did. Draco carried the sound of that wanton cry around with him all day after he had heard it. For hours it lingered in his ears, distracted him from his work. In the beginning, when Harry had first consented to crawl into Draco's bed with him, Draco had been next to useless the following day, though he pretended that he was having trouble deciphering a particular scroll, claimed headaches, illness, insufficient sleep. He had not been able to even momentarily erase the sight of Harry writhing beneath him, his lopsided grin, that cry, those delicious moans, the tensing and relaxing of a thousand muscles pressed against him. Those lips, that tongue, those hands, thighs, his weeping, pulsing erection, all left indelible marks on Draco's soul. For days after that first time, that first time after he had been forgiven, he saw nothing else when he shut his eyes.

And now that cry filled his ears again, and Draco felt it reverberate through him, writing messages on his sinews and tendons, stroking his ego, his soul, organizing his thoughts around itself, preparing for the siege of the day, preparing to hold dominance over all other sounds, all other sensations. It was a sound that etched itself into the matter of his brain. Harry collapsed, quivering, into Draco, who held him with his eyes shut tight. Harry breathed deeply, still shaking for several moments, enveloped in Draco's arms, enveloped in Draco. ... He heard a roaring, like seashells pressed against his ears and he lost track of his limbs, ... his mind temporarily seizing, refusing to give him control. He heard himself speak throaty words, and hoped they weren't comprehensible. He hoped they weren't as raw and rawly pathetic as they must be, as he felt himself caught entirely open, entirely submitting, entirely in love, overcome and wholly within and outside himself at the same time. Again his arms were full of Harry. They breathed, shivered, mingled sweat.

Belong (and Origins and Haven, the preceding fics) is an excellent, well-written fic. I feel like i should say that because a) it's true; b) i'm afraid that after reading this section people might think it's nothing but smut. it's one of those fics where the sex reveals much about the characters' personalities. so go read it! (read Origins, then Haven, then Belong. life makes more sense that way.)

urm. oops. i just checked at the PSA and Origins isn't up there anymore because Ivy's in the process of re-writing it. So go read Haven and then Belong. You can find some of Ivy's fics here.

something i wrote for my aim info on saturday night after ludi, i think. horribly sappy. trying to convey emotions/feelings in a stream of conscious-type style. needs much revising (this is first draft).

smelling your scent in a room is like coming home. it wraps around me in a feeling of almost tangible warmth - i can feel it like an embrace of air and green tea leaves enveloping me and penetrating my stress, my tension with soothing heat. it's gentle and whenever the scent comes near me, it lifts my mood. it's like green tea, it's like old colognes from clear, antique bottles, it's a personal insignia that nothing could ever replicate, it's more lasting than a beautiful face or monogrammed silk. it's you and it lifts me whenever i smell it because it makes me think of you. it brings recollections, images and the feel and the sense of you to me.

wahaha.

cathy is not only highly suggestive but also exceedingly useful in manipulations involving integrals

cathy is perpetually single

cathy is in fact pregnant

cathy is a licensed master social worker (yes! i love to help people!)

cathy is also a humane educator (humane? eurgh)

cathy is amazingly talented woman

cathy is absolutely 'the partner' that every organization needs to help train and coach employees (yes! all i need is a knife, a whip, and i can kick any workforce into shape!)

cathy is a gifted clairvoyant psychic

cathy is very naughty

googlisms are hilarious.

hee hee hee...

Characteristics
cat is cute but ethically unacceptable (and last year's Yale book award was for moral oustanding-ness, @.@)

Personality
cat is right for you (depends)

Natural
cat is a mutilated cat (well, i had an accident - brain, don't comment.)

Emotional
cat is learning is that being reached for by the owner is a bad experience and that the litter box is a torture chamber (no comment. but yes - DO NOT TOUCH*)

Character
cat is your total automotive internet solution (as long as it doesn't involve Mathematica.)

Physical
cat is a maimed cat

Mental
cat is an alcoholic (Obviously.)

Motivation
cat is your responsibility (delegate like mad.)

* usual exceptions apply.