monday night: 2 hours
tuesday night: 5 hours
wednesday night: 6 hours
thursday night: 5 hours. thursday night i slept from 6 p.m. - 11 p.m. and i've been awake ever since (except for a 1.5 hour nap from 4 p.m. - 530 p.m. it wasn't quite a nap - 'nap' implies sleeping, not a state of unconsciousness so heavy that it's prolly more accurate to say that i passed out.).

i'm up doing all sorts of things - sometimes hw, sometimes thinking, listening to music, most of the time simply reading (not school materials). i'm not doing the work that i need to, i'm putting it off as long as possible if i have to do it (it's not that i purposely procrastinate, it's more that the work simply doesn't get done early. there's no conscious decision to leave everything until the night before it's due.). i feel like i'm testing mi limits - but in a negative sort of way. i'm pushing miself, seeing how far i can go academically while doing the bare minimum to pass by (i've learned from the past 3 years of school that i'm smart enough to pass classes with As without doing much work or studying. last may's AP scores only reinforced that idea/habit.), seeing how long mi body will last before it collapses. mi eyes hurt, they're sore, it feels like there's stuff in them all the time and they ache whether they're closed or open. i'm living with headaches again (something that i thought i'd put behind me in 9th grade). i'm not eating properly, either. how much longer? how much longer before i wake up from this couldn't-care-less state of mind (couldn't care less about health/academics/future) or before something falls apart? i have days when i'm lucid - half-days, really, when mi mind is clear and i can work. inevitably, however, i'll allow miself to be distracted and fall another day behind.

haven't posted in ages, sorry, and i was going to leave off posting until this weekend, as posting usually takes a good chunk of time for me that should be spent on multi or physics (but is prolly spent on reading hp fanfic), but i figured a short blip of a post wouldn't be too bad, either as a post or in terms of time usage.

places i want to go
london/uk
beijing
boston
san diego
cincinnati (cincinnati! well, loveland would be more accurate, but cincinnati's good, too)
rome!

loveland's a town/city (?) in ohio. prolly not too far from cincinnati (cincinnati!)

i want to travel and go somewhere new. not just get out of here/leave for a while, but experience new places, other cultures. granted, given mi linguistic abilities the only places i could travel by miself are english-speaking countries. somewhere new, somewhere foreign, somewhere exotic and fantastic and different. no matter where i go in the continental u.s.a., there's a feeling of sameness - i know i'm in the same country, and while there are regional differences, it's nowhere new. not unless it's in the wilderness, oddly enough. that's a completely different feeling - being out in untamed nature, the kind of places accessible only by miles of windy, 2-lane highway or by hours of backpacking, is entirely exotic and different. the sensation goes beyond that of being in a new country/culture/place - i'm in a new world, one removed from this earth.