today had at least a few noteworthy discussions (i hope the ppl don't mind that i posted them (they're edited for brevity's sake); hey y'alls, if you do, tell me and i'll take them off. it's just that they were so full of quotable quotes!).

the first one: what to get for kev's birthday. (hey, anyone who's reading this, DON'T tell kev we are considering getting him a birthday present. or go ahead and give him the link to this page; his reaction might be amusing.)

Liz: hey do u think we should get kevin a present?
Cat: hmm...i think it'd be cool if all the officers (old and new) chipped in to get something.
Liz: good god that would take forever
Cat: i can just picture it:
Liz: try gathering money from 20 ppl
Cat: late july: emails from random officers: 'oh, hey, when's kevin's birthday?'
Liz: i'll figure something out and then put ur name on it and say it's from the both of us
Cat: i vote stuffed animal!
Liz: a pink bunny! or my mom says to get him a gag gift
Cat: a copy of playboy...
Liz: yea right. chocolate in the figure of a naked Venus? he'd never eat it
Liz: kevin "it's indecent to bite a woman's breasts!"

2nd discussion:
what i wanted: kev to recognize a harker delegate at the next cjcl convention, when he calls for a motion to adjourn a general assembly.
what he wanted: lots of bribes. specifically, cash installements of $500 every two months, no credit cards.
liz: why so he can buy a lifetime subscription of playboy?

3rd discussion: i wanted kevin to do something. he required a bribe. (see above)
tim: Well, there are 3 ways you can bribe him.
tim: Sex, money, and power.*
tim: Sex .... is not a preferable option.
* well, considering i have no money and the Northern Rep seems to be extremely low on the CJCL Board pecking order, that only leaves one option. maybe meggie or j yao can teach me a strip tease?

4th discussion:
me: megs
me: can u teach me how to striptease?
megs: LOL
megs: hmmms
megs: yes
megs: i think i can...

Must be: pragmatic. realistic. but a dreamer.

i can't help it. no, i can. it's hard to break with someone after so long, even if it's hardly been one and a half years yalls've known each other. i think of mi new ex-friend far too often (and it usually provokes bitter and angry thoughts in mi head) - how do you get rid of thoughts in your head? i don't want to think about him (it would give me great peace and reduce mi tension if i didn't think about him) but he appears in mi thoughts, i wonder about him, and whenever i see him - revulsion surges in mi body so much that im afraid it must be showing on mi face. is this normal? whenever i hear his voice calling mi name i want to curse at him. how dare he call me so cheerfully? weeks of silence and then a sudden, 'hi!' as we pass each other on campus (despite mi best efforts). worthless words accompanied by a bright and inane grin that i want to slap - he doesn't know what he's doing to me? days of silence and then one word...is that supposed to constitute and maintain a friendship? i think that he thinks so - but in mi mind, not anymore. not ever again, if i can help it. and if that's what he thinks 'putting effort into 'our relationship'' is - then definitely not anymore.

12:15 a.m.

oi. is late. screw UT app-will finish later. am going to go to sleep!

12:16 a.m.

o no. forgot liz's birthday card!

12:30 a.m.

wait...i have freewrite to do for English.

2:00 a.m.

around this time ~ pass out in bed over mi Bible.

6:05 a.m.

is mi alarm clock beeping? vague memories of hitting the wrong buttons.

7:30 a.m.

OVERSLEPT! aie...run out of house, run back in for math book, run back out after realizing that math book is in backpack.

8:00 a.m.

forgot clarinet at home. so much for jazz band rehearsal.

8:00 a.m.

im late for class, aren't i?

8:01 a.m.

o good, only one other student's there. am not late!

8:30 a.m.

aw, drat. forgot to take allergy medicine this morning...

9:40 a.m.

walk into bio. there's a bucket on the desk behind mine and alex's.

alex: hey cathy, i got some more newts! ::for his bio project::

me: coolz! are they alive?

alex: ::points at bucket:: yep!

me: coolz! ::open bucket. see stiff yellow-orange tails and paws sticking out. dead rats stacked on top of each other and shoved in headfirst haphazardly. reminiscent of the SJMOMA display of sacks of dirty river water with the shoes of children who died crossing the Rio Grande in them. flip out:: AIEEEEEEEE!!! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN ALEX!

alex: ::laughs hysterically until--:: wait? you're not talking to me? o...i'm sorri cathy! ::cat picks up bags and moves:: o no, come back, don't leave! i'm sorry!

can't stomach the thought of dissecting a rat. flip out and start crying when i see ms. le holding up a rat skinned by an earlier class. finally go and 'assist' adi - i.e. pretend to watch him skin his rat while i do math hw. calculus = so soothing.

3:19 p.m.

start talking to alex again. when he was dissecting rat, it shot rat-and-preservative-juice into his face. serves him rite.

8:15 p.m.

alex and i are co-captains for policy team next year! yay! also, alan has bequeathed one of his tubs to us. not sure what will do with it, as already have 5 tubs. the thought's nice, tho.

10:15 p.m.

stumble into house for first time since 7:34 this morning. am dying of thirst, limbs are shaking weakly, realize have not eaten much today.

10:18 p.m.

can't find clothes. should i shower or eat first? on one hand, feel incredibly yucky. on other hand, if dont eat, will likely collapse in shower. decide to eat. still can't find clothes. oh wells, will be in shower very soon anyways.

10:23 p.m.

eating apple-virtuously eating healthy food! go me! maybe it'll balance out the two mini-cans of pringles!

10:50 p.m.

status: showered, fed, ready to study! will study math, psych, then sleep!

10:52 p.m.

wait...have mathematica project to do. UT app too. no...

10:55 p.m.

recall that have got english rough draft due tomorrow! i hate personal essays - would rather write three essays for history than one personal essay.

food consumed:
- piece of toast
- some small tater tots
- bowl of pineapple rings
- few baby carrots
- bag of skittles
- 1 cookie
- 5 crackes
- about 3 liters of fluid (2L water, milk, juice)
- 1.5 mini-cans of pringles (crud! almost 450 calories. will not fit into prom dress...)
- apple
- 3 nilla wafers

Today's JCL:
- anita was sick. didn't come. was absent all day.
- vivek never showed up. maybe he went home sick or he was absent.
- cat got a haircut. ellie and sheena are good at cutting hair.
- people took pictures of the haircut, saying, 'this is what we do in jcl!'
- allison went mad and drew smily faces all over the front whiteboard. began adding curly green hair above the eyes.
- ethan loudly claimed that he wasn't doing anything. he's trying to compete with brian for the position of Do Nothing Man. Brian says that he's not going to bother campaigning because he's too lazy to do anything. sounds like a winning strategy to me.
- brian wrote 'YAY!' all over the back whiteboard. complained that no one ever notices what he does when people didn't realize that he was YAY-ing until the end of the period.
- cat wrote 6 more Lit questions for Hadas' A History of Latin Literature. current total: 191 questions for 35 pages.

Progress on writing questions for A History of Latin Literature:

Ch. I-II (Nature of Latin Literature, The Beginning): 186. DONE
Ch. III (Comedy and Satire): 20. STARTED TODAY.

Am sitting here at the kitchen counter typing away at laptop. just stripped all the leaves off of one of the roses i received for crewing Oklahoma! at school and i'm pondering whether or not i should dry the roses. mom said that it's a little too late to dry them, but still... and what would i do with a dried rose anyhow? i don't like dried roses and the only reason i'd keep and dry roses is if they had sentimental value, and these don't. don't have any roses with sentimental value (well, except one which i got when i was baptized. that's pinned up to my bulletin board.). the white rose is bending over like an old person's cane, hooked at the top. the rose bloom is closed and it's big, sort of, hanging like a white ball at the end of the hook. it still smells nice. i'm tempted to tear off its petals, one by one. the dark reddish-maroon looks more like the stereotype of a rose: long stem, a few leaves, and the blossom at the top. it's got the shape of a rose you'd expect to see in a long-stemmed bouquet. the color has gone to a dark, black-tinted maroon, but the inner side of the petals sitll glows like velvet. hidden spirit. and i like its color, the way it is now. the white rose is forlorn. it's dead, hanging its head in resignation. i want to kiss her and make her all better, but even after a kiss her head remains drooping. how sad.

i keep dreaming about it. my ghost, my image, the vision that haunts my head. i need to yank it out. this is bad--i shouldn't be dreaming of this one.

one of the prettiest things i've seen is a red rose. vivid red, red like red velvet, and blackening on the edges of the petals. slightly decaying and wilting. but the rose is still in full bloom and looks ready to be kissed. i like the traces of black. when they're semi-closed, the roses are a dark maroon color on the outside of their petals and you can see the veinage running rampant across them. turn it over and the redness of the petal's inside leaps out at your eyes. redness like red velvet - black and red at the same time. not a bright notebook-cover red, but a dusky red which is somehow still a pure red. red velvet is black and red depending on how you turn and fold it in the light, and sometimes it's red and black on the tips of the fabric.

i like to peel the petals off of roses, feel their coolness in my hand.

i love the thorns. grab a rose really hard around the stem and watch the blood stream forth from many little holes in your palm and fingers. roses are much more fun when they have thorns on them still.

pushing off the thorns is fun, too. pushing them off with your thumb leaves long, thin ovals of green flesh on the stem. ovals which bleed.


so what dyalls think now?